Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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