two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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