I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
