Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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