I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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