Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
