I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
