Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
