I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
