My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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