i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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