Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
