is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
