I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
