Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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