Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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