Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
