My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
