Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
