so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
