i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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