I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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