are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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