i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
