I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
