marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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