Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
