What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
