his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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