no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
