This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
