he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
