New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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