I only kidnapped one of them. chill
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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