would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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