Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize