She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I want to be your penis for a week.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
