she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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