Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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