Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
