i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
