I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
