she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
