lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
