Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize