sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
