If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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