You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
