Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
