he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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