what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize