You can't motorboat a personality
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
