Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
