goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
