My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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