fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
