I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Still dying that you shit outside
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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