they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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