We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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