do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
