The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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