You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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