I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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