did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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