Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
