definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize