how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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