And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
