clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
