you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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