I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
