She went from zero to smokin in five shots
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
