hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
