I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
