we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
