why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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