Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
