My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
