if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
