My hair reeks of homosexuality.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize