pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
