I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize