So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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