FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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