After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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