Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
