I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dicks are not precious.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
