his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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