hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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