u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
