Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
