do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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