I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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