not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
