At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
